In care centers — places designed to care for people in their final decades — seniors are suddenly in close quarters with groups they intentionally or inadvertently avoided for most of their lives.
That clash is one of the great ironies of life. I’ll give you an example.
I remember a time serving at a care center with a group of volunteers. Some of our volunteers were Black. A white resident, probably in her 80s, beckoned me over and whispered in my ear, “It’s good that you got the Negroes working with you.”
“Um, excuse me?”
That level of overt racism feels shocking today. But it was probably normal for this woman when she was growing up. In the 1950s and 1960s, throughout much of this country, Black people and white people didn’t interact much.
And now this woman is living in Fort Lauderdale, where diversity is the norm. She probably didn’t think she would need to live in a care center in the first place. If she did, she didn’t picture it being staffed by Haitian nurses and Indian or Middle Eastern doctors. She didn’t imagine she would live across the hall from people who grew up in South America or the Caribbean.
South Florida is an ironic place to retire if you grew up in a place that was segregated.
Clashing Differences
When volunteers from all walks of life work with seniors from different backgrounds, you see clashes of all types. Not just racial and cultural ones. The challenge is to navigate those differences with grace and respect.
Earlier this month, I was asked to speak at the Southeast AIDS Education and Training Center (SE AETC) through the University of Miami Medical School. They have a series called Multicultural Mondays. My topic was “Addressing Social Disparities in Aging Ethnic Minorities with HIV/AIDS.”
Even decades after the first diagnosis, there’s still a stigma around the disease. I remember a senior explaining that they had HIV and one of our volunteers looking shocked. I had to explain that they weren’t going to catch it just by talking and interacting with the person that day.
And yes, HIV and AIDS affects older generations, due to our medical advancements and because the virus doesn’t discriminate.
The aging population is changing, too. A few years ago, I visited a nursing home and met an older gentleman who was tatted up: tattoos covering his body from head to toe. Think of how many more seniors will be sporting full tattoo sleeves 30 or 40 years from now.
The bigger issue is this: How do we love groups of people that don’t look like us — or feel different than us — but are getting older?
Asking Questions and Accepting Corrections
While I was leading an activity at the Southeast AIDS Education and Training Center, I stumbled myself. One of the social workers in attendance, who seemed to be assigned female at birth, added pronouns when they introduced themselves. I wasn’t paying close attention to that part; it just wasn’t something on my radar.
However, they corrected me when I used “her” after they answered a question.
“No. It’s he/they.”
I was taken aback. I wasn’t sure how I had misstepped, but I knew I wanted to honor that person publicly.
“OK,” I said. “Help me out. What do I do?”
They explained, and I listened. Using “they” to refer to this person felt… off. But I wasn’t going to die on that hill. I accepted the correction, and we moved on with the discussion.
Generally, I’ve found that asking questions is a great way to bridge differences, as long as you’re asking from a genuine desire to understand.
Focus on the Similarities
When I reflected on that moment at SE AETC, I realized that all four of the presenters that day came from faith-based organizations. The social workers and caseworkers in attendance were largely people from the LGBTQ+ community.
We were united in our desire to serve the aging population with respect and dignity.
Everything we do at Heart2Heart is driven by God. That’s the banner we carry. The love of Jesus is embedded in what we do — how we treat and think about seniors and how we train our volunteers.
But it’s not what we need you to be or do. We don’t need our seniors to look or act a certain way for us to care for them.
My word of advice for our volunteers, and even the larger faith-based community: We live in a complex world, and as Christians, we’re called to love above all.
Let’s focus on loving God and loving people, above and beyond the moment we’re in. As the apostle Peter wrote: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
What does loving people above all look like in your life?